Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Ladies
Due to some life changes I find myself back in the dating scene after too many years out of the game. A game which I wasn’t really that great at anyway. It isn’t Hungry Hungry Hippo, it isn’t Tri-Bond (great game by the way) it’s ladies and it’s life. Seeing that I am a man who works in the internet I thought maybe I should turn to the internet for a little help.
While I am currently not looking to date today I did decide to sign up to a few dating sites to see the talent if you will. That’s right I said see the talent, see what’s out there. I know it objectifies women and men if that is what you are looking for but online dating is like going to Amazon except that the products can choose not to get in your cart.
It’s a little creepy to have pictures of 12 women sent to your in-box because you may have a connection. In my case it must be a loose connection as seeing that I gave as little personal info as I could to create an account, I didn’t even upload a photo, like I said I’m not ready to date yet. It’s even creepier when some of the women sent to me are ex coworkers from my day as a waiter or the woman who held my job one person before me.
After checking out some of the profiles I have some advice for you ladies listen up.
- Don’t make your user name Crazy4Baby, tooSexy67, IWantMrRight or HotSlut2000.
- Don’t put pictures up with your friends if your friends are hotter than you. It doesn’t matter how hot you are they are hotter.
- Don’t put pictures up with your friends that are ugly. We all have ugly friends but we don’t need to see them.
- If you have a pet feel free to put up a photo of you and your pet. If you just put up a picture of your pet you are either crazy for a baby or just plain crazy.
- Don’t put up pictures of you with another guy. I don’t know that it is your gay cousin Steve because the way he is looking at your chest makes me think otherwise.
- Please don’t post pictures taken from a cell phone, they are small and crappy and yes we are judging you on your looks.
- Yes we know you love your family there is no need to mention it.
Well that about sums it up ladies. I’ll be seeing some of you in a few months from now and probably being rejected by some of you as well. I look forward to the crazy adventures that are sure to occur.
Dan great article! Funny as hell. My only problem is why does the gay cousin need to be named Steve. Come on now, was my name the first one that comes to mind when you think of what to call the gay guy.
Comment by Steve — March 26, 2009 @ 9:44 am
If it makes you feel better my dad is named Steve and he isn’t gay. I just think gay cousin Steve sounded well. Also as a side note, I would like to apologize for anyone who has a gay cousin Steve who may be offended.
Comment by Dan — March 26, 2009 @ 9:00 pm
Hahaha. Great analysis of online dating. I can say the same for guys…and I might just have to write a companion blog entry telling males what not to do…like sending a mass IMPERSONAL email to every girl within 15 miles of you. It’s obvious, and we will not email you back.
Comment by samtaters — April 3, 2009 @ 2:45 pm
I hope you do write a companion blog from a woman’s perspective. When it comes to women men as a whole are totally ignorant. Guys don’t understand women, they may know how to manipulate them but they don’t understand them.
Guys (or girls) that send the mass impersonal emails are looking for some one not the one. It goes back to asking a random woman at a bar if they want to have sex with you. The one time it works makes the 99 slaps to the face worth it.
That isn’t my personal style but I understand it.
Comment by Dan — April 4, 2009 @ 12:55 am
This is probably your funniest blog post ever.
Comment by Markus — April 5, 2009 @ 6:09 pm
Thank you. I’m trying to write blog posts a little more and trying to shy away from code related topics. I realized that I don’t feel like sharing my secrets and that no one really cares to read them.
Comment by Dan — April 5, 2009 @ 8:28 pm